Stupid question, right? Everybody fails at something sometime. And yet, silly me, I expect myself to be perfect. To just not screw up. And when I fail, or screw up, I indulge in the kind of self-flagellation that doesn't do anything but make myself feel worse, and certainly doesn't fix the problem. Which is stupid. Which I realize. So I beat myself up about that.
I don't know where that particular brand of guilt/stupidity came from. Nor do I really care. I just wish I could get over it. Life is hard enough without making things worse for yourself.
But there you go. I'm turning fifty very soon. I haven't gotten past it yet. I may not ever. But dammit I am going to try!
OKAY, on to the next thing. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS?
I am committing to doing more with the blogs again now that I'm less ill and less depressed. SO, some of the things I'm considering:
STARTING A NEW THING that is the "CREATURE FEATURE" or sometimes "DOUBLE FEATURE." This would be done randomly where I post an excerpt from an upcoming book with notes from the author. Would you like to have me do this?
1) On Friday, actually post some progress.
2) On Saturday doing a catch-up replay of the new Serial thus far plus the new installment.
3) On Monday catching up the points and doing a new trivia.
And I am hereby asking not only for opinions, but for the posse members to write me and give me encouragement. I need it. A lot. Please. Put RAH RAH in the Re.
catadamsfans@gmail.com
I AM VERY SORRY FOR THE DELAYS!
AND TO THOSE OF YOU TO WHOM I OWE PRIZES -- THE TRUCK IS FIXED. I CAN GO TO THE POST OFFICE IN SAN ANGELO TOMORROW. (WHICH SAVES SEVERAL DAYS OFF OF DELIVERY TIME). SO IF YOU HAVEN'T GOTTEN IT BY THE MIDDLE OF NEXT WEEK YOU GET TO YELL AT ME. SERIOUSLY. I'll even PM you a temporary telephone number (for a burn phone--appropriately enough) where you can give me hell.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Transmission Trouble
Had some work done on the truck. It is an old truck (but a good one). I am very fond of it, and all things considered, it has run very well for a very long time. BUT the transmission is going. They've done some work that will extend its life, but are now going to have to look for a used one. (Truck is old enough that new parts would be worth more than the vehicle.)
Sigh.
Sigh.
Sunday, November 08, 2009
Vampire Elimination and Other Weirdnesses
Okay, I didn't post the serial yesterday. In fact, didn't do much online yesterday. Went on a run to the city with the co-author and discussed a lot of important stuff and even more not-so-important stuff. The time off has been good for me. Still haven't completely pulled my head together, but it's slowly improving.
The topic of the day is the weird crap that writers discuss. For example. Vampire elimination. No, not the elimination of vampires, (either in fiction or life) but the "if your vampires can only drink fluids, and they use the blood they drink to replace their own, DO they eliminate? Liquid only? Have their digestive tracts died and become useless.
Now seriously guys, who else but a writer would get into a vigorous discussion about (literally) vampire sh** or the lack thereof? Hmnn?
And we wonder why people treat us like we're weird.
The topic of the day is the weird crap that writers discuss. For example. Vampire elimination. No, not the elimination of vampires, (either in fiction or life) but the "if your vampires can only drink fluids, and they use the blood they drink to replace their own, DO they eliminate? Liquid only? Have their digestive tracts died and become useless.
Now seriously guys, who else but a writer would get into a vigorous discussion about (literally) vampire sh** or the lack thereof? Hmnn?
And we wonder why people treat us like we're weird.
Friday, November 06, 2009
Back in the Saddle Again
Okay, I've been sick, and pooped, and I am so far behind on EVERYTHING that it is truly terrifying. There are edits that HAVE to get done and the animals are being VERY needy because I've been ill and not able to fuss over them like I normally do. Lucky the Wonder Dog, in particular, needs lots of love, attention and EXERCISE. She's been getting the first two, but not the third, so she is RESTLESS. UGH.
I've been feeling like crap: physically, mentally and emotionally. Sometimes the best you can do is just keep moving forward. (Quote of the day -- If you're going through hell, KEEP GOING.) But I wonder sometimes if I should just play Pollyanna in public -- Everything is FINE, wonderful, etc.? I mean nobody really wants to hear me whine. They have their own problems, many of which are MUCH worse than mine. Also, one of my goals is to help people and encourage them. How encouraging can I be when I'm moping? Seriously.
But I try to be honest. And I don't care who you are, or how many wonderful things there are going on in your life, there are always going to be some not-so-wonderful things and times that get you down.
So the truth? I guess so.
1) Weight loss? Don't make me laugh. You would think with the food poisoning that the weight would've come off and stayed off. Came off abruptly, but not for long. Still, I'm finally feeling well enough that I did my walking this morning.
2) Depression -- still there.
3) Writing -- Lots of wonderful things happening here, but as is the case with the publishing industry they are happening . . . . s . . . l . . . o . . . w . . . l . . . y. Patience is not my best thing, so this is just a teeny bit frustrating. (And yes, I have been nominated for Queen of Understatement. How did you guess?)
4) Move to Denver -- Stalled. I have been trying to find employment at a day job. (All right, here's a bit of truth. The writing pays pretty darn well, but the checks come too far apart and I have to take out my own taxes as self employment and don't have health insurance or retirement. A good day job can take care of this. It also gives me the opportunity to run into people. Interacting with others gives me ideas and helps me with things like dialogue and rhythms.). In this economy at my age it is a little bit tricky. I haven't given up. But I haven't made progress either, which is depressing, distressing, and lots of other essings.
5) Finding a good job. See previous.
6) Catching up on all of the crapola like mailing things, working up the newsletter, etc. Stalled.
Not exactly a passing scorecard. But today is a new day. I'm here. I'm posting. I'm listening to kick-ass music and getting the animals snugged, exercised, etc., the house clean and the edits done. And maybe, if I do I'll be able to be less hard on myself and be just a little less down. Because while I know I'm not perfect, I really do expect myself to be.
Now, how are the rest of you? Be honest. If I have to own up to all this crap you should too. Fair's fair.
I've been feeling like crap: physically, mentally and emotionally. Sometimes the best you can do is just keep moving forward. (Quote of the day -- If you're going through hell, KEEP GOING.) But I wonder sometimes if I should just play Pollyanna in public -- Everything is FINE, wonderful, etc.? I mean nobody really wants to hear me whine. They have their own problems, many of which are MUCH worse than mine. Also, one of my goals is to help people and encourage them. How encouraging can I be when I'm moping? Seriously.
But I try to be honest. And I don't care who you are, or how many wonderful things there are going on in your life, there are always going to be some not-so-wonderful things and times that get you down.
So the truth? I guess so.
1) Weight loss? Don't make me laugh. You would think with the food poisoning that the weight would've come off and stayed off. Came off abruptly, but not for long. Still, I'm finally feeling well enough that I did my walking this morning.
2) Depression -- still there.
3) Writing -- Lots of wonderful things happening here, but as is the case with the publishing industry they are happening . . . . s . . . l . . . o . . . w . . . l . . . y. Patience is not my best thing, so this is just a teeny bit frustrating. (And yes, I have been nominated for Queen of Understatement. How did you guess?)
4) Move to Denver -- Stalled. I have been trying to find employment at a day job. (All right, here's a bit of truth. The writing pays pretty darn well, but the checks come too far apart and I have to take out my own taxes as self employment and don't have health insurance or retirement. A good day job can take care of this. It also gives me the opportunity to run into people. Interacting with others gives me ideas and helps me with things like dialogue and rhythms.). In this economy at my age it is a little bit tricky. I haven't given up. But I haven't made progress either, which is depressing, distressing, and lots of other essings.
5) Finding a good job. See previous.
6) Catching up on all of the crapola like mailing things, working up the newsletter, etc. Stalled.
Not exactly a passing scorecard. But today is a new day. I'm here. I'm posting. I'm listening to kick-ass music and getting the animals snugged, exercised, etc., the house clean and the edits done. And maybe, if I do I'll be able to be less hard on myself and be just a little less down. Because while I know I'm not perfect, I really do expect myself to be.
Now, how are the rest of you? Be honest. If I have to own up to all this crap you should too. Fair's fair.
Monday, November 02, 2009
Thoughtful
I'm trying to figure things out. I've gotten a little lost along the way. Life has changed, and I have changed, and it's not a good fit right now. Also, I'm getting old. Didn't expect to. Kind of a shock.
Note -- the kitties do not like it when I am depressed. They fret quite a lot. But they also snuggle which is really quite nice.
Note -- the kitties do not like it when I am depressed. They fret quite a lot. But they also snuggle which is really quite nice.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Exhaustion, Vampire Anatomy, Depression and the Saturday Morning Breakfast Serial
Hi all.
It's been a while since I've posted. I'm going to try to make up for that by giving you a nice, long post. Assuming I can stay upright that long.
Once upon a time I was diagnosed with an Unspecified Chronic Fatiguing Illness. It was pure hell for about two years, then it went into remission. (WHOOO FREAKIN' HOOOO!!) Most of the time I'm fine. Sometimes it nails me. If I take care of myself the bad spells usually don't last too long any more. The trick is taking care of it. Also, weird things can kick it in. Travel is hard on me. A case of the flu can do it. In this case, it was the food poisoning.
It wasn't a bad case by any means. I was functional after the first day. But I'm dealing with the whole exhaustion thing now and it sucks. So if I don't post periodically, forgive me, just figure I'm getting my rest.
***
One of the panels I was on at MileHi involved Paranormal Research. We got a complaint part-way in that we were talking about regular research and not paranormal. But it really is the same thing. Research is research. Not sexy, but true. You need your regular facts to be perfect if you want your readers to believe the paranormal. . . to take that leap of faith. Also, if you are working with an existing mythos, you need to know what you're doing and be respectful. Yes, you can tweak the rules, but you have to know what they are first.
***
Which leads me to a discussion I had with Cathy on a different occasion regarding vampire anatomy. (1) Why can't they eat solids? (2) Are the teeth hollow and used for absorbing the blood, or are they solid and just open the vein and the rest of the mouth is used for sucking purposes? (3) Do they swallow the blood or absorb it?
So we're discussing this (No wonder people stare at us oddly and eavesdrop so voraciously. Our conversations are MUCH more interesting than some others. At least on the weird scale.).
With regard to the solids -- I'm asserting/assuming that the death of tissue when a vampire ceases being human includes the esophageal muscles. Obviously not the tongue, or they couldn't talk, suck or swallow properly, but the esophagus is the set of muscles between where the tongue lets of and the stomach, etc. If it atrophied solid food would get "stuck" about mid-chest.
IF the teeth are hollow, I would assume they basically have a hollow root system that dumps into the throat where the blood can then be swallowed or absorbed. (My personal take would be swallowed with blood being absorbed much the way alcohol is -- only more so. Which would lead to research on HOW alcohol is absorbed by the body.)
On the other hand, my personal take is that the teeth are TEETH, that they are used for puncturing and tearing with the mouth muscles and tongue used for sucking and swallowing. (See above re absorption.)
But you have to decide what your rules are, research so they make sense, and then ABIDE BY THEM.
***
Depression
I have it. It sucks. Generally it gets worse when I'm exhausted and feel like crap (situational and hormonal triggers). Big shocker there. I'll work through it. I always do. But I'm not feeling particularly cheery. I can and will get past it. But if I sound grumpy, it's not you, it's biology.
***
And now with regard to the Serial. I'm pooped. I spent all yesterday doing the edit pass for the first book of the new series. (Recreating everything I lost when the computer crashed and I lost both the original and back-up copies). Cathy is going over it now to catch everything I missed and it will go to the editor at the beginning of the week. But I repeat, I'm POOPED. So I will ask you to forgive me, and to tune in Monday when I will hopefully feel better and can create something worth reading. Right before I launch into the second draft of the second book of the new series.
Until then.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN or whatever holiday you favor. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!
And good night.
It's been a while since I've posted. I'm going to try to make up for that by giving you a nice, long post. Assuming I can stay upright that long.
Once upon a time I was diagnosed with an Unspecified Chronic Fatiguing Illness. It was pure hell for about two years, then it went into remission. (WHOOO FREAKIN' HOOOO!!) Most of the time I'm fine. Sometimes it nails me. If I take care of myself the bad spells usually don't last too long any more. The trick is taking care of it. Also, weird things can kick it in. Travel is hard on me. A case of the flu can do it. In this case, it was the food poisoning.
It wasn't a bad case by any means. I was functional after the first day. But I'm dealing with the whole exhaustion thing now and it sucks. So if I don't post periodically, forgive me, just figure I'm getting my rest.
***
One of the panels I was on at MileHi involved Paranormal Research. We got a complaint part-way in that we were talking about regular research and not paranormal. But it really is the same thing. Research is research. Not sexy, but true. You need your regular facts to be perfect if you want your readers to believe the paranormal. . . to take that leap of faith. Also, if you are working with an existing mythos, you need to know what you're doing and be respectful. Yes, you can tweak the rules, but you have to know what they are first.
***
Which leads me to a discussion I had with Cathy on a different occasion regarding vampire anatomy. (1) Why can't they eat solids? (2) Are the teeth hollow and used for absorbing the blood, or are they solid and just open the vein and the rest of the mouth is used for sucking purposes? (3) Do they swallow the blood or absorb it?
So we're discussing this (No wonder people stare at us oddly and eavesdrop so voraciously. Our conversations are MUCH more interesting than some others. At least on the weird scale.).
With regard to the solids -- I'm asserting/assuming that the death of tissue when a vampire ceases being human includes the esophageal muscles. Obviously not the tongue, or they couldn't talk, suck or swallow properly, but the esophagus is the set of muscles between where the tongue lets of and the stomach, etc. If it atrophied solid food would get "stuck" about mid-chest.
IF the teeth are hollow, I would assume they basically have a hollow root system that dumps into the throat where the blood can then be swallowed or absorbed. (My personal take would be swallowed with blood being absorbed much the way alcohol is -- only more so. Which would lead to research on HOW alcohol is absorbed by the body.)
On the other hand, my personal take is that the teeth are TEETH, that they are used for puncturing and tearing with the mouth muscles and tongue used for sucking and swallowing. (See above re absorption.)
But you have to decide what your rules are, research so they make sense, and then ABIDE BY THEM.
***
Depression
I have it. It sucks. Generally it gets worse when I'm exhausted and feel like crap (situational and hormonal triggers). Big shocker there. I'll work through it. I always do. But I'm not feeling particularly cheery. I can and will get past it. But if I sound grumpy, it's not you, it's biology.
***
And now with regard to the Serial. I'm pooped. I spent all yesterday doing the edit pass for the first book of the new series. (Recreating everything I lost when the computer crashed and I lost both the original and back-up copies). Cathy is going over it now to catch everything I missed and it will go to the editor at the beginning of the week. But I repeat, I'm POOPED. So I will ask you to forgive me, and to tune in Monday when I will hopefully feel better and can create something worth reading. Right before I launch into the second draft of the second book of the new series.
Until then.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN or whatever holiday you favor. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!
And good night.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Home to the Critters
Okay, I'm back and sufficiently recovered to post something.
The con was wonderful except for the food poisoning. That sucked. And it put me WAAAAAAY behind on a lot of things I had hoped to accomplish. So I spent a whole lot of money on a lovely trip and spent most of the time in the bathroom. Yes, it was a very nice bathroom---granite countertops and lovely decorative tile with subtle wallpaper accents all of it in nice, warm, golden and brown tones. If I ever need to describe the toilet in a high-end hotel room in exquisite detail I will now be able to do so.
But that wasn't precisely what I had in mind.
Still, I did get to visit some friends (if ever-so-briefly) and with my son (less briefly, but with potty breaks), and be on some panels. Mile Hi Con is definitely on the let's do it again list.
Rather than let myself be annoyed about all the things I didn't get to do I am focusing on the positive. Like the fact that my being indisposed launched my diet goal with a bang. I mean, seriously, I'm still a little hesitant when it comes to food. I've had one or two actual meals since Friday night (the first one coming from sheer desperation---I was weak and had the shakes from low blood sugar after having been so ill), but for the most part portion control and milder foods are a serious necessity. And now that I'm a little stronger, I've started walking again. Not far yet, but at least it's a start. The weight work and machine will have to wait until I'm feeling a little stronger.
All this from a MILD case of food poisoning.
I want to thank the fans that showed up. It was really great to see you. And thank you for the gift. It's very sweet of you to think of me like that.
I got to meet some cool authors, which is always fun, and discuss the nuts and bolts of the industry. Also a very good time.
Apparently I didn't pack quite right for the trip home, a couple of things got broken. (PFFFFT). But my laptop arrived intact as did the jump drive with the revisions, which really was the biggest thing. I think I'd lose it utterly if the revisions got lost again.
Special thanks to Cathy's husband Don for watching the critters for me. They are all a little needy right now. They do not like me going on trips. But things will settle down soon.
Now I have to get to the day job. Have a wonderful day all.
The con was wonderful except for the food poisoning. That sucked. And it put me WAAAAAAY behind on a lot of things I had hoped to accomplish. So I spent a whole lot of money on a lovely trip and spent most of the time in the bathroom. Yes, it was a very nice bathroom---granite countertops and lovely decorative tile with subtle wallpaper accents all of it in nice, warm, golden and brown tones. If I ever need to describe the toilet in a high-end hotel room in exquisite detail I will now be able to do so.
But that wasn't precisely what I had in mind.
Still, I did get to visit some friends (if ever-so-briefly) and with my son (less briefly, but with potty breaks), and be on some panels. Mile Hi Con is definitely on the let's do it again list.
Rather than let myself be annoyed about all the things I didn't get to do I am focusing on the positive. Like the fact that my being indisposed launched my diet goal with a bang. I mean, seriously, I'm still a little hesitant when it comes to food. I've had one or two actual meals since Friday night (the first one coming from sheer desperation---I was weak and had the shakes from low blood sugar after having been so ill), but for the most part portion control and milder foods are a serious necessity. And now that I'm a little stronger, I've started walking again. Not far yet, but at least it's a start. The weight work and machine will have to wait until I'm feeling a little stronger.
All this from a MILD case of food poisoning.
I want to thank the fans that showed up. It was really great to see you. And thank you for the gift. It's very sweet of you to think of me like that.
I got to meet some cool authors, which is always fun, and discuss the nuts and bolts of the industry. Also a very good time.
Apparently I didn't pack quite right for the trip home, a couple of things got broken. (PFFFFT). But my laptop arrived intact as did the jump drive with the revisions, which really was the biggest thing. I think I'd lose it utterly if the revisions got lost again.
Special thanks to Cathy's husband Don for watching the critters for me. They are all a little needy right now. They do not like me going on trips. But things will settle down soon.
Now I have to get to the day job. Have a wonderful day all.
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